Attachment Theory: Explaining Relationship “Styles”
Selterman, D. (2011). Science of Relationships.
Have you ever known someone who seems insecure? They could be highly jealous, petty, paranoid, or emotionally distant. They could resist being touched or comforted when they’re upset, or they could go from being happy to furious at the drop of a hat, leaving their partners scratching their heads. Fortunately, there’s an explanation for these behaviors, and it lies in “attachment theory.”1,2 First introduced about half a century ago, attachment theory is now used to explain individual differences (also called “styles”) in how people think, feel, and behave in relationships. The word “attachment” refers to emotionally significant interpersonal bonds people form throughout their lives, first with parents, then friends, lovers, partners, and children.
Understanding the Continuum of Relationship Style
Formica, M. (2009). Psychology Today.
Relationship style comes in several different distinct flavors- independent, dependent,interdependent, co-dependent and counter-dependent. Bearing this in mind, if we consider one of the prime tenets of forensic psychology - the way that people do one thing is the way that they do everything - we can begin to reveal the consistencies, and, by association, the repeated patterns of behavior, in the vast majority, if not all, of our relationships.
The Five Stages of Relationships
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Background
Most of us grow up learning the language of our parents, which becomes our native tongue. Later we may learn additional languages, but usually with much more effort. In the area of love, it’s similar. Your emotional love language and that of your spouse may be as different as Mandarin from English – no matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse only understands Mandarin, you’ll never understand how to love each other. Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary love language. We tend to speak our primary love language and become confused when our spouse doesn’t understand what we’re communicating. Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, you’ll have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage. Determining Your Own Love Language Either take the assessment here, or since you may be speaking what you need, you can discover your own love language by asking yourself these questions: ❤ How do I express love to others? ❤ What do I complain about the most? ❤ What do I request most often? |
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Take the Love Languages Test!
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